Diddy isn’t receiving a ringing endorsement from Freddy P, who says he “hates life” after working on Diddy’s reality series Making The Band.

According to Sis2Sis, Freddy P wrote about his experiences as part of the group “Da Band” on Instagram after reading Day 26 member Willie Taylor talk about what it was like on Making The Band. Freddy P reposted a video from Twitter showing Da Band being forced to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge to get Diddy cheesecake.

“God knows if I was @diddy, I would’ve done WAY MORE FOR THESE KIDS,” wrote Freddy P. “Any real ninja would’ve. You start out JUST CHASING A DREAM. Then, it QUICKLY GET SNATCHED AWAY. Made me NEVER WANT TO RAP. God gone have the last laugh. My talent was given to me to touch hearts and homes, an’ it was silenced. You silenced God’s plan. Everyone who ever took part will depart horribly from [planet Earth emoji].”

He also wrote that he thought about dying by suicide after his experience, saying, “People don’t understand what I’ve been through,” he said. “This year alone, I’ve contemplated suicide two or three times. I done pictured my brother walking in, finding me dead. I cry, thinking about leaving my son because it just gets tired of life. It’s like no matter what you try to do, you just gotta keep battling. N—as got they foot on your neck, n—as wanna see you fall. It’s these n—as like Puffy, he my main motherf—-n’ reason why I really hate f—-n life, dog. People don’t even understand.”

 

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A post shared by Freddy P (@imfreddypee)

 

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A post shared by Freddy P (@imfreddypee)

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline online or via phone at 1-800-273-8255 (for the deaf and hard of hearing, contact 1-800-799-4889).